The other night while we were eating dinner my two year old daughter said, “I need my purse.”
To which I replied, “No, you don’t need your purse to eat dinner.”
To which she exclaimed dramatically, “I need my wipstick!”
Accepting Praise November 30, 2009
Recently I overheard a conversation between two of my friends. One is a mama whose daughters are healthy, well adjusted adults. The other is a mama who is in the midst of toddlerhood. The conversation went something like this,
Older Mama: You are doing such a good job with your daughter. She is a delightful, caring little girl!
Younger Mama: (A little embarassed) Oh well, it’s not anything we are doing, it’s all God.
Now, I can totally relate to this younger mama’s response. In fact I’ve probably said something very similar to this before but the fact is, what she said is simply not true. It’s nice to give God credit for creating a child who is naturally sensitive and caring, but she didn’t get that way on his own. I KNOW that her parents work hard to train her and encourage her to care for others. I’ve seen this mama relate to her daughter and she takes great care in the words she selects in communicating with her. Both parents work to communicate immense love for and to their child. In short, they have worked hard and done a great job with their little girl. So what’s wrong with accepting a little pat on the back when another mother recognizes all your hard work?
As a parent of young children, I’ve found that my job is never done and often times very difficult and frustrating. When my mom, the one I always call when I feel like I’m about to pull out my hair, tells me that I’m doing a good job and to keep it up I feel so refreshed and encouraged. She is telling me what I know, but need to hear in that moment.
I’ve been told that in Chinese culture when receiving a complement it is appropriate, polite even, to argue with the complementer. For example if a man tells another man, “Your wife is very beautiful” or “Your son is so smart” the receiver of the complement should say something like, “Oh no, she is quite ugly. Look at how fat she is.” or “He’s really very average.” I don’t think our American culture is quite to this point, but I do think it’s very common to poo-poo or negate praise when we receive it. Maybe it’s false humility, maybe it’s embarrassment, maybe it’s an attempt at true humility. Whatever the reason I think it’s silly and maybe even harmful for us to deny well earned praise. We need to be reminded that our hard work is noticed and will pay off.
So I encourage you, the next time you receive a complement, whether it be about your cute hairstyle, well behaved child, or a job well done, don’t downplay it. Simply smile, say “thank you” and enjoy that feeling of satisfaction. You deserve it.
Community Living–Lessons from 2 Months November 20, 2009
Our family has been living with our friends, the Allens, for almost two months now. So far we all still like each other and nobody is searching for an apartment! Actually I’ve been having a lot of fun watching our families mesh together. Here are some observations from the past 60 days….
-When there are three people under the age of five in one house milk is a HOT commodity! We can go through four gallons of milk in a little over a week!
-Costco is our friend.
-Our kitchen floor has been cleaner than it’s ever been, even though there now twice as many people walking on it! You could probably safely eat off it! Why you ask? One of our housemates, who shall remain nameless, actually LIKES to mops it, regularly. And I don’t just mean pull out the Swifter and do a quick run over, I’m talking about the down on your hands and knees with a bucket and rags mopping.
-Six (or is it seven?) personal computers in one household is NOT excessive!
-Menu planning, grocery shopping, and meal preparation is ten times more fun when done with a friend.
-Spreadsheets, when in the right hands, can be amazingly helpful tools.
-There is a synergy that I’ve noticed among us. I love it because living together seems to help motivate us to start and finish projects. We’ve gotten so much on the “To Do” list done in the last two months, it’s amazing.
-At the end of the day, once the kids are asleep, it is so nice to sit and talk or watch an episode of The Office together.
-Kids are resilient. Maybe we are really messing them up, but it seems like they are adjusting so well to our combined household. They are learning to share and to care for one another. We do have our rough moments, but I love seeing the girls playing together or Carter caring for the girls.
-While many (many, many, many) people don’t understand why we are doing what we are doing, some don’t like it simply because it’s different from the status quo. Why are things that are different so threatening?
-Relationships take work, but when they are cared for they are healthy and well worth the work.
-Cooking for eight takes little more work than cooking for four…and it’s cheaper too somehow!
- I have learned so much from Heather about fixing little girl’s hair and mothering in general. It’s been fun and motivating to share ideas and parenting methods.
-Baby Korban is the most popular guy in our house. He’s going to grow up thinking everybody cheers when he enters the room because that’s the norm in our house.
-Many hands make light work.
Behind the Scenes November 12, 2009
I’ll admit I’ve always loved recognition and praise. I’m sure most of you would agree that it’s nice when people notice that you’re doing something great and then tell you that.
My problem is that sometimes I think my motivation for doing that great thing switches from the good in doing it to the good I feel in getting praised for it. Not only is that ugly, it also backfires on me when I don’t get praised. Then I feel like I just invested my time and effort into something for nothing.
Recently I’ve had opportunity to practice just enjoying that fact that I’m doing something good without getting any recognition. In one case, I spent hours working on a report that was to be presented to a large group of people. I did a good job on this report, it was interesting, complete, and even included illustrations. At the presentation, through some mix up, my husband got credited for creating the report! Now my first desire would have been to make a correction and make sure I got the credit due to me. But then I stopped and thought, what’s the harm in letting people think my husband did a great job on this report? I guess it harmed my pride a bit, but nothing else.
My husband and I are currently coordinating a college level extra curricular class for nearly forty people in our valley. Planning and carrying out this class has been a LOT of work for us over the past 9 months. It’s a fifteen week course and we are through over half of it (Yeah!). This class has been phenomenal and something Kris and I are so glad that we are part of, however most of my work on this class has been behind the scenes. Because of our kids and my fantastic organizational skills I’ve been the one who makes sure everything runs smoothly but isn’t in front of the class actually carrying out the details. This has been hard for me. I know that I am doing a good job (most of the time) but I’m not usually the one the people say, “Hey, you’re doing a great job!”, to because they don’t see me actually doing the work. A couple times I’ve tried to put myself in the spotlight, volunteering to lead activities or make announcements in class. Each time I’ve been completely humiliated for one reason or another (screaming son, miscommunications, etc). So I’ve decided that I’ll happily sit behind the scenes and play my role. This has been a good reminder for me about doing good work simply for the sake of the good work…I guess my head must have been getting too big.
Why Did I Even Get Dressed Today October 20, 2009
Have you ever had this thought? If you’re a mom, I’m sure you have. Today was my day to ponder this. Actually, I was more wondering why I even bothered getting my kids dressed today. Here’s the story….
My two year old daughter is a little bit shy and withdrawn in larger social settings. On her own or in small familiar groups she does great but whenever I take her to a public place, with lots of kids (playground, zoo, library, etc.) she pulls into a shell. She stares at the other kids like they are freaky aliens and refuses to leave my side/lap/arms. In an effort to help her break out of this shell I’ve been trying to expose her to more activities. Last week we went to the library’s story time. I loved it, I loved the books, the silly songs, and watching the other kids–she didn’t. Oh no, I will not sit on the rug with the other kids! Oh no, I will not do the hand motions to the songs. Oh no, I will not take a shaker and shake it with the song…okay I will take a shaker but I will NOT put it back when the song is over. I’m sure you can picture how our story time went. All the while my adorable, laid back four month old sat sweetly in the stroller, never making a peep.
I was not deterred, however by last week’s theatrics. And so this morning I got us up and dressed and with books in bag we returned to the library. I had studied my enemy (newness) and prepared a strategy this time. We arrived early, perused the books and got comfortable with the surroundings and the other kids. Jennika was doing great! I was so excited as story time approached.
Then, it happened.
Not two minutes before story time started, my little man filled his pants…man style. I didn’t have time to check out our books, run out to the car with both kids in tow, and change him. So I made the fatal error of hoping his diaper would hold until story time was over. Thirty minutes, just thirty minutes, please God!?! In we strolled to story time, Jennika still smiling, though a little uncertainly. She didn’t sit on the rug and didn’t do most of the hand motions, but she did listen to the stories and was having fun. Somewhere into the second story Korban started fussing. I tried distractions and movement but he wanted out of that stroller (who wouldn’t when they are sitting in their own poop?). I undid the buckles and scooped him up…then I almost dropped him as my hands felt icky, sticky poop all over his pants.
What to do? I glanced at the clock on the wall, still a good 15 minutes before story time was over. I glanced at the exit door and all the children and moms I’d have to weave through to get out. What to do, what to do. Well, some of you may frown and shake your head and I know I’m not going to get nominated for any Mother of the Year awards after this admission; I put him back in his stroller. For the next several minutes I distracted him any way I could, short of holding him. Korban handled his poopy pants like a champ…for about five minutes and then he was done. There was nothing I could do in that little library room to make him happy. So I apologetically pushed my stroller with screaming, offensive-odor-emitting child and carried my disappointed daughter through the sea of little hands, feet, and big mormon mama purses.
In the car, as I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned all that was poop-covered I wondered, why do I even bother? Why does it have to be so hard? Why can’t we go to the library for an easy relaxing story hour? Had any experienced mother sat me down before kids and told me just how hard, exasperating, and humiliating being a mother would be, if she had really and truly told me all, not sparing any of the gory details, I think I would have signed up sterilization that day. But no wise mother did, because she knew that the joys and the love wash over those moments when we want to pull out all our hair and scream. That those moments when we think we would willingly sign up for chinese water torture in exchange for just a few minutes of a normal life without food on our clothes and sleep-deprived circles under our eyes are really just one bitter drop in the bucket of all the sweet experiences we have with our children.
So though I am frustrated and discouraged, I will not give up. Next week we will go back to the library. And next week I’ll have better studied my new enemy (poop) and will have a strategy for victory (pants fashioned from plastic bags:-) ).
I have to go now…Jennika is standing on Korban’s tummy.
Goals October 1, 2009
My best friend over at PistolsnPrincesses has a fantastic post today about her “Do Over’ goals. It’s inspiring me to think about the goals I want to set for the rest of the year. You should check it out.
Menu for 09/14-09/18 September 14, 2009
Fall’s here and so is my attempt to plan a menu each week. Here’s what’s cooking in my kitchen…
Monday-California Wraps-On Monday nights we rush out the door at 4:30 for a class and don’t come home until after 10. These days I will try to plan easy to prepare and travel-ready meals.
Tuesday-Lentil Soup with Spinach Salad and biscuits
Wednesday-Pacific Rim Stir Fry
Thursday-Leftovers
Friday-Turkey with Mushroom and Cream over brown rice
Recipes
California Wraps (Serves 6)
1 lg tomato, seeded & diced
1 med avocado, seeded
1 TBS reduced fat sour cream
1/2 tsp lemon juice
1/8 tsp salt
6 8inch fat free tortillas
6-12 lg lettuce leaves
8 oz reduced fat sliced deli smoked turkey
1 pgk salad sprouts
6 TBS shredded reduced fat cheddar (or other) cheese
Mix the avocado with the sour cream, lemon juice, and salt. Spread on each tortilla. Layer lettuce, turkey 1/2 c sprouts, diced tomatoes and cheese. Press lightly and roll up each tortilla. Slice and serve.
Turkey with Mushrooms and Cream
1 pkg turkey breast slices
1 TBS canola oil
3 TBS butter, divided
1/4 c water, divided
1/4 c white wine
2 tsp chicken bouillon, divided
1/4 tsp pepper
1 c reduced fat sour cream
1 lb fresh mushrooms, chopped or sliced
In a large skillet cook the turkey in the oil and 2 TBS butter until golden brown. Remove the meat and keep warm. In the same skillet, combine the 1/2 cup of water, wine, 1 tsp bouillon and pepper. Cook over medium heat until bouillon is dissolved. Stir in the sour cream and heat through.
In another skillet combine the remaining butter, water, and bouillon. Cook over medium heat until bouillon is dissolved. Add the mushrooms and cook 10 minutes or until liquid has evaporated. Serve the turkey with the sauce and mushrooms over it.
Community Living September 13, 2009
Ever since I was a teenager community living has been a part of my life. When my family moved out-of-state, I moved in with a close family while I completed my college courses. I shared an apartment with my brother when we both briefly lived in a small town in Wyoming, and with the exception of Kris and my’s first year of marriage and a few months before and after we moved, we have always had people living with us. Sometimes it’s been short term situations, others have been much longer. Each community living experience has been a wholly positive growing experience and has resulted in deepened relationships. I know that the friends that I lived with while I was single probably saw me at my worst, and yet they still loved me and spoke truth to me. They will be live long friends whose insight and opinions I highly esteem.
Next month we going to a whole new level of community living by combining our family of four with our close friends, another family of four. This is happening rather suddenly and taking all of us by surprise, but several unique events, namely the almost instant sale of their house, have led me to believe that this is the direction we are meant to be moving in. It may sound crazy and is totally not the cultural norm, but I am so excited for the combining of our homes and families. We aren’t just hoping to rent out a section of our house, we are hoping to share life together, to encourage one another, and to share in our strengths and weaknesses. Of course there are many practical benefits to this arrangement. The financial gain for both families has not been overlooked, but it certainly isn’t our driving motivation. The idea of sharing daily life with others is appealing to us. We desire the accountability, encouragement, and even the opportunity to make small personal sacrifices in order to bless the others.
I’ll keep you posted on this adventure. I’m sure you probably think we’re insane but if you have any wisdom or insight, I’d love to hear it.
Not Helping with Coveting September 2, 2009
SimpleMom is not helping me obey the 10 commandments. She is hosting another wonderful-tastic give-away. I so want something from Lisa Leonard! Head on over to her website to check it out and enter…but if you win instead of me, we’re not friends anymore.
http://simplemom.net/giveaway-time-score-handcrafted-jewelry-from-lisa-leonard/
Thoughts on Hypnobirthing August 12, 2009
A little over two months ago I had my second baby, a beautiful and healthy boy (read his birth story here). Before his birth I had decided that I wanted to deliver him without any type of drugs. Call me crazy but I wanted to see if I could do it. If I, like millions of other women all over the world, could have my baby naturally. For my first baby we took the hospital’s birthing class, which was basically a Lamaze class. I ended up having an epidural, which was wonderful. However I was frustrated with my slow recovery and not being able to get up and walk for such a long time.
This time, at the urging of my wonderful midwife, I signed up for a Hypnobirthing class. Now, don’t be freaked out by the name. I think this class would be better titled, Using Your Body and Mind Together to Have a Baby, because that’s really what I learned.
Hypnosis has been exploited by the media and entertainers. In true hypnosis the patient is in complete control, they cannot be made to cluck like a chicken or eat an onion like an apple unless they decide that they want to do that. Hypnosis is really just a relaxed state of concentration; when your mind is so focused on one thing you don’t notice other things. For example when my husband is fully absorbed in a task and I talk to him, he will answer with nods and “uh-huhs” but he really doesn’t hear anything I’m saying. Or have you ever been so absorbed in a really good book that you don’t notice the commotion your children are causing until they’ve hauled water out of the toilet into the bathtub and are now bathing their dollys? (Yes that did really happen!) These are examples of hypnosis. Really it’s that simple!
Through the hypnobirthing class I learned just how amazingly powerful and complex our brains are. Though our body is equiped with sensors to communicate messages to our brain (pain, discomfort, hunger, craving, etc) our brain has the option of choosing how to interpret and respond to those messages. In hypnobirthing I learned how to translate contractions and labor not as painful and something to simply endure, but as helpful, meaningful, and something to embrace and work with. Some women claim that they don’t feel any pain during their hypnobirth delivery. I can’t said that I was pain-free, but my contractions and delivery were drastically less uncomfortable (and drug-free!) than my first delivery.
I could share lots more about my experience and what I learned through hypnobirthing. Instead let me just say I felt that it was well worth the time and money for the class and that you get from this technique what you are willing to put into it. If you are willing to try something a little different and even a little bit hokey sounding (I had friends tease me about my birthing option) and if you are willing to practice before your delivery you’ll fare well. If you are eager to deliver your next child naturally and in a calm and relaxed environment, I would encourage you to consider hypnobirthing.
