This week has been a hard week. I cannot really pinpoint a reason why, it has just been work.  Having a good attitude about things I don’t want to do has been a continual struggle. Being a patient mommy has been a huge source of failure. Being loving and gracious in my relationships hasn’t been something that’s been flowing out of me. At worship practice on Wednesday night a minor part of my violin broke and I thought, Of course it breaks! Why can nothing go right for me? Even running my normal route/distance has been hard this week!

One day as I was showering, which is one of the only times I am all alone, I was feeling sorry for myself. God, why does everything have to be so hard? Why do I have to fight so hard to not fall into this pit of ugliness and selfishness?  Why do I have to work so hard to stay healthy? Why can’t it be easy? Why can’t I just coast for a while?

No answer. Frustration. Self-pity. I am alone.

THEN this song started playing on the cd player:

Worth It All
Rita Springer
I don’t understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I’m not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I’m desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it
It’s gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It’s gonna be worth it

This is a wonderful song  on it’s own (I’ve posted a Youtube video below just in case you’ve never heard it), but for me this song is packed with memories and emotion. You see, one of the most loving, patient, and faithful women I know loved this song (and nearly all songs by Rita Springer). Every time I hear this song I think of her. And when I think of her I mentally see her passionately and with conviction singing along. Only she is singing “It WAS worth it!” and she is sitting at the feet of the KING of kind and LORD of lords.  Because this amazing woman, after fighting (and we thought winning) cancer suddenly left this earth. The shock and pain of her sudden death, even a couple years later is still so fresh.

I will never forget her gracious attitude, her heart for worship, her ambition, her organizational skills, her AMAZING love for her children and husband, her ability to know when somebody needed a hug or when they needed to be set straight, and her faith that all she did and who she was WAS amounting to something.

My friend’s life had some remarkable achievements but I loved her because of who she was every day. She was constant, she was faithful.  She faced lots of changes and adventures and challenges and through it her actions, words, and her whole life boldly proclaimed that she believed it was all going to be worth it. And it was. All those who knew her can learn so much from who she was and how she lived her life.

I am learning that I can’t wait for the “big” battles in life to be the ones that I fight and win. It’s these everyday “little” battles that count. I am not alone and I cannot allow myself to be aimlessly tossed around by emotions and circumstances. I may not understand why it has to be so hard sometimes but I can choose to believe it will be worth the fight.

Thank you Becky for teaching me that.